El Charro in the Return of the Intestinal Creature from the Rio Muerto

Yes, it is I, el Charro. I am a pursued man. Round the globe I have traveled, all the while feeling as if I am being watched. When I left my home of Las Bocas, all was well except for a strange sensation of something lurking behind me. "Who is there" I queried, but when I turned...nothing...only an old lady eating a Mars Candy Bar (which, by the way, were much better when they used the whole almond as opposed to the chopped almonds). By plane, by train, by ship, by horse I wander, and after thousands of miles the strange haunting sensation...a strange nervous feeling in my gut. "What do you want from El Charro? Face me...you coward!", I yelled out. Still nothing but silence...blackness...and that old lady eating her candy bar.

I arrived at the shores of Australia, being called to battle the Giant Bat from the Outback. No sooner do I arrive than I feel invisible hands pounding my stomach. I fight back...but alas my fists hit empty air. Again and again the fists pound me until, I, El Charro lay motionless and unconscious on the ground. Days pass, weeks pass, and I lay in a state of delirium in a bed filled with sweat (hopefully my own). Strange dreams haunt me. I see a big thousand armed bug hovering over my limp body...I recognize this demon...the Intestinal Creature from the Rio Muerto! A monstrous bug that attacks when you least expect it. Forcing travelers to panic at the thought of long flights especially when they have a window seat and not a convenient aisle seat. How many unsuspecting souls has this beast humiliated? How many vacations has this bastard ruined. I last saw him in Mexico City, but he did not stay long, now he is back... I must fight...but I am weak. I must reach a pharmacy....there is one seven blocks from here...a long way to go in my condition. How many times will he attack from here to there. (THE FOLLOWING SCENES ARE TOO DISGUSTING TO RECOUNT...IN THE END...NO PUN INTENDED...I, EL CHARRO, MANAGED TO REACH THE PHARMACY...OR SHOULD I SAY CHEMIST...WHEN IN ROME...)

I now had my secret weapon. I was prepared for the Intestinal Creature from the Rio Muerto, but not before he snuck up behind me and gave a few swift roundhouse kicks with who knows how many of its slimy little legs. I'm on the ground. My fingers searching for the pharmacy bag that had dropped from my hand. "Where is it?" I struggle to find the one thing that can kill the blasted beast...finally I feel the cardboard box against my finger tips. Quickly I open it to find a plastic bottle. Damn! Child proof! I fumble some more. Time is running out. The beast approaches again. I can see it out of the side of my mask. Its purple arms preparing a leveling blow. At last the lid flies off and a golden glow radiates from the bottle.

The Creature cries out: No....IMODIUM....!

I load my six shooter with the tablets. Kabloom! Kabloom! Kabloom! Three shots to the monster's chest! Kabloom! Kabloom! Kabloom! And three shots to his head (which, by the way looks surprising like his chest). With a thud, he drops to the ground. Got him! I walk up to the slimy, lifeless bug to make sure the job was done. I give it a nudge with the tip of my pointy boots. Suddenly the creatures body divides into thousands, perhaps millions of tiny little versions of itself, scurrying in every directions. I have won the battle...but the Intestinal Creature from the Rio Muerto will return...who knows where...who knows when...watch your back.